Hello, many iterations of Myself!

It's been years since I made a proper entry, so here's one to catalogue my process growing up. I like looking back at these entries - they are like the pages you dog-eared in your old book, and you'll never chance upon them, until months or years later when you are spring cleaning perhaps. 

Hello to my old self (12 -17 y.o.) 

Honestly, how is it possible for a 13 years old child like yourself to be weighed down by so much? I can't decide if I want to commend you for your maturity or ache for the burden that you saddled on your shoulders. I sincerely thank you for being a brave child. Growing up wasn't easy, I know - the journey proved menacing and lonesome, and you made regrettable mistakes along the way. However, I know that you did the best you could at that given pint; and I know that in any endeavours you took - you at least gave it your best shot. I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

And with each passing year, you started to learn about yourself, you realised your follies and inadequacies; and you strived to improve upon them. Although it took you slightly longer than others, your present self would tell you that you have arrived at a comfortable place - where you love yourself, and you understand your own value. Although it would have taken you approximately another 8 years to realise your self-worth, these tough, yet formative years will always be a part you. Part of your life experience that would go on to serve you better in the future.

Also... yeah, I know you feel out of place and awkward at this part of your life. But trust me, this solitude would emerge to become independent, and you'll have like-minded companions really soon. With this, perhaps you'll appreciate them more and realise how important it is to have valuable relationships in your life.

Hello to my present self (18-21 y.o)

Thank you for never letting the baggage of the past drag you down. At times, the world and people can seem to be so unfriendly and cold, but yet, you never once gave up. I really can't thank you enough for that. For these past 3 years, your growth has probably been catalysed by a bad experience. I can't tell you for sure if these emotional wounds have healed, or whether you will completely forget about them (try as you might). But I can assure you that it definitely made you stronger, and possibly a better person. 

Although sometimes, negative thought and emotions start swirling in you. You insist that they are part of the past, and you never let yourself be engulfed by them again. Ultimately, you have matured now - both mentally and emotionally. I love how you carry yourself now - you used to be so unsure about your identity, and the perception you have of yourself is disparaging, to say the least. And now, you strive only to be your truest and most authentic self. No longer at the mercy of your self-criticism or trying to fit into a certain image, just because you are unsure. I think you witness it for yourself - especially when people of the past catch up with you again. You think about how they used to make you feel, and you no longer feel entitled to please them. Perhaps you have become more brazen? 

Well, not that its a bad thing. But just like every juncture of your life, you are never perfect, never rid of misgivings and flaws. You can only accept them humbly and strive to correct them. Haha, your possible area of improvement would probably to reduce some of that roughness, and keep an open mind about people. Yeah probably your past has something to do with this; but still, its no valid excuse to stop you from becoming more accepting and forgiving of others. 

I truly hope that when your future self comes back to see this, you've improved upon this :) 

Hello to my future self (21 y.o and onwards) 

I hope you set out to do what you have always wanted to. As usual, I know you'll probably face a great many difficulties, but you'll always find a way to go forth and conquer them somehow. I know you will. I hope you come back to read this blog post and realized how much you have learned, experiences and lived since this last entry. I know you'll always try your darndest, and I appreciate you, however, the outcome may look like. 

xoxo